What happens when we are the guilty party, the prosecuting attorney, the judge, and the prison warden all wrapped up in one person. Too many people spend a big portion of their lives trying to punish themselves for something they did a long time ago. Why is it so hard to receive grace? God freely gives us grace to release us from our guilt, but instead of freely receiving his grace, too many people hold onto a guilty conscience. Sometimes it is hard to receive God's forgiveness, because we have already condemned ourselves.
I have spent 27 years in the ministry, and I have counselled a lot of people, of all different genders, races, and ages. What I have found is that there is a large number of people, who cannot forgive themselves for their past. Since they cannot forgive themselves, they also have a hard time receiving God's forgiveness, and feeling good about themselves, for who they are in Christ Jesus. No matter how many times you try to convince them that they are forgiven, often they will say, "I understand it with my mind, and I know God has forgiven me, but, I cannot grasp it in my heart." So they continue to live under a cloud of doubt, fear, and condemnation spurned on by the guilt of their past. A parable that Jesus taught can help us understand this situation.
Matthew 18:23-35
“Therefore, the
kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his
servants. As he began the
settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talentsg was brought to
him. Since he was not
able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all
that he had be sold to repay the debt. “The servant fell
on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back
everything.’ The servant’s
master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that
servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred
denarii.h He
grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he
demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
When we hold hard feelings towards others, or want to judge them for the way they live, or the things they do, we are storing up the same judgement for ourselves. When we find it easier to judge people then to forgive them, we will also find it hard to find it within ourselves to find forgiveness. God has created us, so that the same measure that we use on others, is also used on us. Have you ever needed someone to forgive you for a wrong action? We all have. Since we need others to forgive us, then we should also forgive others, from our heart. We like to condemn others, and talk as if they are a worse person than we are. When we do this we hold judgement over our own heads just like Jesus taught in the parable. Consider that maybe you are having a hard time shaking guilt, because you hold others guilty. If you find yourself wanting to talk about the faults of others, maybe it is time to consider that forgiveness means I no longer hold their debt against them. Learning to forgive is not so that others can get off the hook for their past mistakes. Learning to forgive sets us free so that we will not hold our own failures and sins against ourselves.
Condemnation and guilt is a terrible thing to hold against anyone, especially yourself. Jesus said, "Freely you have received, so freely give." As we give out forgiveness and grace to others, we will find that we are released from the condemnation and guilt that has brought us down as well. When we are hard on others, we are also being hard on ourselves. Judging others is only being hard on yourself. Don't be so hard on youself all the time.
And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any: that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25
