Love is hard when you have been hurt

We all want to believe the best of others around us, and we hope that people believe in us.  It can be kind of insulting to find out that someone does not believe in you or trust you.  It is even more disheartening when you ask someone why they struggle with trust, and they say that it is nothing personal, they simply do not trust anyone.  This means that they have decided to judge everyone on the planet, before they have even given them a chance to prove themselves.   The bible says we are to lay down our lives one for another.

I John 3:6
By this perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

So, not only are we required to love one another, but, we ought to lay down our lives for one another.  How many marriages and relationships are being disrupted because of past hurts?  Is it really wise to mistrust the people in  your present, because the people in your past have hurt you?  We get the idea that we will mistrust until they earn our love.  Shouldn't we shower the people around us with love and acceptance?  What kind of damage do we do to others when we reject them, though they have never done anything to receive our disrespect.  It is the same as saying, No matter what you do, I will expect you to be a liar!   We are commanded by Jesus to love one another.

John 13:34
A new commandment I give unto you, That you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another

Now some people would say, "Oh, I love people, I just don't trust them."  Love means that we reach out and minister to others, give to others, care for one another in actions and deeds.  When we  turn inward in our mistrust, and refuse to reach out to others we are not loving as Jesus commanded us to love.  To love means to give.  That doesn't mean you trust someone else with all your deepest secrets or anything like that, it simply means we must be a giver to others!  When we allow our hurts from the past and our mistrust of others to make us inward turned and we are no longer giving back to society, we have failed to obey Jesus' command to love one another.  The Bible does not say that there is pain in giving and loving, but rather JOY.  We miss out on the joy of giving because we sit back by ourselves and wither in the pains of the past.

John 15:9-11

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you: continue you in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.  These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

 I have spent a lot of time counseling people.  If I had a dime for every person that told me that they simply no longer trust anyone because they have been hurt in the past, I would be rich today.  We lose our  pure heart, our eagerness to give, or eagerness to serve, our compassion to reach out to another when we stop believing in others.    Jesus said that people would know we were his disciples by our love one for another.  Why do we get depressed and sit in our own pain instead of getting relief from the hurts of the past.  It is because we shut ourselves up like a bottle.  We refuse to minister to others, to reach out to others, to connect with others, and Jesus said to love each other so that our joy would be full.   There is joy in giving, don't let your past hurts steal that joy away from you!  


  It is our child like trust, our eagerness to serve and meet other people and  give of ourselves that brings joy and happiness into our lives.  We were  made in God's image.  God is a giver by nature.  He has given each of us far more than he has taken from us. It is impossible to love like God said to love unless we are willing to give.